Oh god, I'm really starting to like 1,000 island dressing on my salad. I'm becoming an old person! Nooooooooo!

Where the fuck are you eating salad?

At work dork.

Oh lol though you were home for some reason.

Yeah, I'm sitting at home in plaid shorts, a wife beater and sock garters eating 1,000 island salad and watching the Military channel.